April Fool’s – the Joke is on satan

Today is April Fool’s Day. I have never really liked this day, but reading my memories and other posts about momentous, life changing events that occurred on this day throughout the years – and the results of what ensued, I have a new appreciation for it. Why? Because it appears that God often uses this day to tell satan – the jokes on you. Even today – which I will comment on at the end.

As for me, 8 yrs ago this day was the first day in my entire life that I could unequivocally and honestly say to myself, to others, and especially to God – Jesus, I trust in You!

Shortly after the buyout at FedEx was announced, I was standing outside ALONE not even considering looking at the the info, when I heard a Voice say “I want you to do something in a more serving capacity”. I turned around to say “what?” to Whomever was speaking to me – but there was no one there. Over the next couple weeks, I heard it often. I prayed like never before for God to let me know if this was Him and if He was telling me to take the buyout.

I decided I should at least look at the buyout info. I realized everything would line up. I knew my bosses would keep me the full time that they were allowed which would mean I would turn 55 the same month of my last day. I would be eligible for early retirement ensuring I would have at least a little money coming in.

No one believed I was seriously considering it (after all, the funeral home’s number was in the rolodex since I would die at my desk – right?). Little did one person know, she was actually being used by God to reinsure me that it was Him. The Church was in the process of electing a new Pope. So she, a non-Catholic, made different color “smoke” out of construction paper and put in on my cubicle. I was to change the color for where my mind was at each day. Black if I was leaning toward not taking it. Grey if I was undecided. White if I was leaning toward taking it.

For the next few weeks, the color changed every day. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. I had only gotten back on my Spiritual Journey a few years before. Was this just my overzealousness trying to make up for all my failed years? Was this my imagination? I was a horrible servant, so how could God really use me at this age. If it was Him, what did He mean by “something in a more serving capacity”? Didn’t I serve my customers and my co-workers? Am I just being a pawn for the devil and he was trying to convince me to give up my security, my friends, my life (at the time).

I waited until 11:58 p.m. on the last day to submit the buyout. I prayed – if this is not You, or if I am misunderstanding, or this is not Your Will, please do not let it go through. I heard the Voice once again -“It’s time”. So I PUSHED THE BUTTON.

On April 1, 2013, I announced that after 30 years at FedEx, the smoke was turned to WHITE.

I wish I could say the trust that I had that day never waivered, but unfortunately it did. After 6 months, I had no more answers as to what He meant by a more serving capacity. No jobs opened up that were any more serving than what I was doing. I was beginning to get lazy and unmotivated.

Then my Mother’s health started really turning. I spent the next 2 1/2 years spending most of my time with her or Eucharistic adoration. I realized that had I not taken that buyout, I would not have had the time (nor the money) to take care of her in the way that she both needed and deserved.

After she passed, I went right back into a funk and started questioning things again. I had given up a 31 year career and now had lost the only person for me to take care of. I was used to working 100 hrs a week, staying constantly busy, using my mind and body. What was I supposed to do with my life? How did He want me to serve?

This blog would be the size of a novel if I explained all the things He did to strengthen my trust in both Him and His timing, all the lessons He taught me, all the ways He showed that He had a plan, all the times He encouraged me, all the people He brought in and out of my life to accomplish those things. But, I do have to say that I recognize the significance of one main thing – bringing Fr. Jolly Sebastian Nellamkuzhiyil into my life. Another novel could be written as to why Father has made such a difference. But for the purpose of this blog, I will just state that he invited me personally to become a parishioner, not just a member of the parish. He encouraged me to offer my time, talent, and treasures to serve the Lord in every way possible.

Today – this April Fools Day, 2021 – seeing the memory of pushing the button, I finally am at peace with the decision made 8 years ago. He never said I want you to get a job that is more serving – He simply said He wanted me to do something in a more serving capacity. I did, I am, and pray I will always do so. What was my “reward” for doing so? He has lead me to my Spiritual Home. A place of spiritual revolution. A place that I feel welcome and loved by almost everyone I have met. A place where I feel useful. A place where I feel I am making a difference. And most importantly, a place that I feel I am carrying out both His plan and His will for me.

Today is Holy Thursday, a totally fitting day for me to write this blog. It was no coincidence that I saw a memory on FB about the announcement of pushing the button 8 years ago. Today, the first day of the Sacred Triduum. Today, the day Jesus established the Priesthood. Today, the day Jesus established the Eucharist. Today, the day that one Apostle betrayed Him and the others abandoned Him. Today, the first day of our Lord’s Passion. Today, the day I told Jesus I trust in you!

So with all the times satan has tried to break me, manipulate me, even kill me, today, I recognize that I am a perfect example of God saying to him on this secular day devoted to fools – the joke is on you.