When you offer to give up something that you absolutely love doing and that offer is accepted, there will be pain even if you know that your offer was made through the Holy Spirit and for the good of those you were serving. After all, it wouldn’t be much of a sacrifice if it was easy, right?
Well, I experienced that today. Despite the fact that I had prayed so hard that His Will be done and that the Blessed Mother guide the decision, I still was a little devastated at the realization that I would no longer be a part of something so special and good. I was truly mourning the loss.
Since I had not heard one way or the other if my offer was accepted, I decided to reach out to the person in charge before getting ready for Holy Mass. I received the decision as I was preparing to leave. I quickly sent off an email to those who would be affected as one of them had just asked me yesterday when I would be sending the normal email.
As I hit send, the emotions hit. I cried all the way to the Church. I got myself under control, walked in, and they overwhelmed me again. I was barely able to get out the decade of DM that I was leading. I prayed for God’s assistance. I thought the way He was helping me was that even through the emotions and tears, I was pretty focused on the Mass itself. But, then He amazed me and gave me exactly the encouragement, love, and lesson that I needed.
90% of the time, I have read the Readings before going to Holy Mass. Today, I kind of read the 1st Reading and skimmed the Responsorial, but, since I was not focused, I stopped before reading the Gospel. I was surprised that I did not feel more guilt about being so distracted, but everything is about His timing.
I was determined that I would put a smile on my face so that Father would not see the tears if he happened to look my way. But as he began reading the Gospel and I realized which one it was, new tears fell. But a different type of tears.
You see, the Gospel Reading was Luke 9:46-50. You can read it hear: http://usccb.org/bible/readings/bible/luke/9:46. Then, the first 2/3rds of Fr. Jeo’s homily was as if he was speaking to me and specifically about this situation.
The tears of mourning at the beginning of Mass were turned into tears of rejoicing. I had made the right decision and those who I had been serving would now be better served! Maybe eventually I will get another opportunity to serve our Mother and her Priests, but for now, I can rejoice in them simply being served with the best available people.
blessedadorer 
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