Thank You, oh Immaculate Heart!

11 days ago, I blogged about the state I was in and about August and its terrible memories (https://blessedadorer.wordpress.com/2019/08/14/will-i-ever-let-go-of-the-guilt-will-august-ever-let-me/ ).

This morning, I opened FB to a “memory” that reminded me today is the anniversary of the absolutely most terrible day in my entire life. (https://www.facebook.com/Blessed.Adorer/posts/10210320615879089).

I was going to share the “memory” to FB with an explanation as to why I was sharing. I started off by saying I was sharing not because I wanted empathy or sympathy, but rather to give hope to those who are grieving and/or have memories of a tragic day; that the difference in me then and now was so huge.

But then I thought about the blog from 11 days ago and the difficult spiritual week I had had this past week. I recognized that even though it had been difficult, it was difficult in ways that were not centered around me alone and was not about the incidents in 2016. But still, I thought, am I really different? Am I not the same basket-case that I was when I wrote the FB post 2 years ago?

The answer to “am I not the same basket-case” was an unequivocal NO!- Yes, I am still a basket-case at times, but NO, I am not the same. I am different in that I recognize the attacks from the devil. I am different because, rather than wallowing in self-pity, I take my grief and guilt to God and our Blessed Mother. I am different in that I try to use the lessons I have learned through it all.

Then I had to ask why. Why am I different? They say time heals all wounds, but it is not time itself that heals, but what God does in that time, if you allow Him. What was “healing” me was not time, but prayer and the people God has put in my life. My thoughts immediately went to all that He has done for me in the past 3 years. My family, the friends, the people both IRL and on-line, the Priests (especially the Priests).

I thought about all the Priests who have been a part of my life in that time, especially one who was removed from my daily life and one who entered shortly thereafter. Neither one have I ever had a revealing or lengthy conversation with about what I had been through. Neither one has spoken directly to me about my personal experiences. But both, and a couple others, have changed me through the words of their homilies, conversations about other things (including tough love, on occasion), and the example of their lives. Both have prayed for me.

I had thoroughly intended in this blog to praise these men, expressing how God has used them to change me. I was going to recount the specifics with my gratitude. I thought, I know at least one of them would not necessarily like it, but his humility aside, I needed to use him to get the point across about Holy Mass, prayer, the Rosary, etc. and that if we listen to those God has chosen, we will be changed/healed/transformed.

I think Fr. J would smile, if not actually chuckle out loud, if he were to ever read this because of what happened next (considering a huge part of this blog WAS going to be about him).

As I was retrieving the URL to the previous blog post, I thought about the condition I was in when I wrote it. I thought about a few things that had happened that led to me writing it. Then I thought about how much better I felt the very next day. I thought, well maybe the 3 people who read the blog prayed for me. I thought, well maybe the Blessed Mother and others read it and/or heard me as I was writing it and interceded for me.

But then my eyes were led to the date that I wrote that blog and I had my answer – August 14th, the day before The Feast of the Assumption.

I immediately knew through WHOM and HOW it was that I was being healed. That day at Mass, Fr. J stressed how he had survived so many difficulties in his life through the intercession of Mother and how he always was holding her hand. In recalling that, I knew she had been holding my hand too, wrapping me in her mantle, comforting me, teaching me, leading others to pray for me, and leading me to hear their words, see their examples, learn from her through them. I knew that the Holy Spirit was working in me through the powerful intercession of His most beloved spouse.

As Father J always says, “Without Jesus, I am a zero. With Jesus, I am a hero”. No one loves us or Him better, serves God more perfectly, brings us closer to who we should be for Jesus, than His Mother. So, thank you Most Holy and Immaculate Heart and thank you to all who are in my life as a constant reminder of His and Her love!