Today has been an interesting day to say the least…. beginning with Adoration. Since my Adoration on Thursdays is at Incarnation and I do not have any on Friday, I usually spend a portion of my time on Saturday straightening the books on the bookshelf and sometimes running the vacuum or sweeper over the carpet in the Chapel. While doing so, I either say some simple prayers or just “talk” to Jesus.
It has been a rough spiritual week for me, so I was determined I would spend my time ONLY in prayer. Jesus must have laughed at that. I walked in and people had left new books (despite the posting) which there was no room for on the bookcase and, therefore, the existing were just stacked up. So to the bookcase I went. I looked at the floor and THOUGHT it didn’t look that bad, so I decided to just go ahead and run the sweeper over the big stuff. I stopped a couple times to give Him my undivided attention, but for the most part, I just cleaned.
Next thing I know, the 3 a.m. person was there. I turned to the Lord and apologized. He told me to go on home. I objected and said that I had not given Him hardly any time at all. He told me that I had given enough for now. So I left. When I couldn’t sleep, I just knew it was so that I wouldn’t miss Mass as I so often do on Saturday, but then I suddenly fell asleep right before time to leave for the earliest Mass and did not wake up until right before the actual time of the last Mass.
Normally, I would have been overwhelmed with the sense that Jesus just did not want me to spend time with Him. That I was out of the state of Grace and that He was allowing the devil to keep me from Him until I made proper amends and/or realized what I had done. But, that came to mind only as a realization that I was not feeling that this time. In actuality, I was feeling closer to Him than I had all week.
I got up; checked my calendar to ensure I did not have any events; warmed up some left over Kroger Pizza, planned what I would accomplish today, and grabbed my phone to see if any messages. I thought I would jump on FB for a few minutes. There really has been so little activity by my friends this week, I honestly thought I would only be on for a few minutes. 4 hours later, I was still on. Everything I read either had a message for me, or validated something that I had been discerning, or challenged me, or touched my heart, or taught me a lesson. Every time I tried to get off, I saw something else.
I thought about all that I needed to get done. One of my usual sins that I have to confess is idleness and spending way too much time on the internet. I felt I should feel guilty for being on so long. I felt guilty for not feeling guilty. I decided to just check to make sure I had not missed anything from my Pastor and then try to get something done other than reading and sharing posts. Well, I had indeed missed something. Something he had posted YESTERDAY (the featured photo for this blog). I regularly go to his page, but had overlooked it.
It was laid on my heart that I was once again relying too much on my feelings; that I was once again forgetting that I do not think like He does; that once again, I was not trusting that He is truly in me and guiding me and that He will lead me to do what He wants me to do, when He wants me to do it; that He sets my priorities. I looked back at the posts that I had read, shared or saved and realized that I was doing what He wanted me to at the time. There is so much more that happened. The fact is, what I have written is not even what I had on my mind when led to write this blog, but this is what He laid on my heart to write.
So, once again, He has shown me that He is and continues to be in charge!
blessedadorer 
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