Detachment

We have been taught we are to be detached from this world, both of things and people. I understand the “things” and, hope and trust, I am beginning to understand the “people” (detachment, that is, I doubt I will ever understand most people LOL).

Detachment from things takes discipline, humility, selflessness, and will power. I understand this, but regularly fail at it. I count on His Mercy to forgive and strengthen me with each failure.

Understanding what it means to be detached from people has been a cause of many a dark moment for me. I have tried to understand it from every aspect. Originally, I thought that meant not to get too close to people, not to rely or depend on them, to love them but only from afar. But, yet, that didn’t seem right because God Himself said “it is not good that man should be alone”.

This struggle to understand, at times, affected my relations with my family, friends, co-workers, social life. I would go through a new “phase of understanding” based on what was going on in my life. My failure to connect with others while remaining “detached” resulted in my hurting others and feeling totally unlovable except by God Who cannot help but Love all. If you have never experienced thinking the only one who could love you is Love Himself, and feeling He did not “choose” to love you, He just does, you do not know what that can do to your psyche and self-esteem. The saddest part is that you are even less “detached” from others because you are constantly seeking acceptance. Plus,when you have a totally analytical personality, you overthink everything and wind up not only not being accepted, but rejected even more (increasing the feeling of no self-worth).

Toward the end of that “phase” and when He first brought the Blessed Mother back into my life and led me to Adoration, I thought the best way to learn how to love but remain detached was to give everything of me to everyone. I was so totally and completely obsessed with pleasing others, I was not serving others and definitely not serving Him.

I do not know if this is just another phase and I am still not getting it. But, I don’t believe so because I have had too many people in my life the last 2 years who, imho, demonstrate what I have come to understand. That understanding is this:

Detachment simply means putting God first and above all. How we accomplish this with detachment of even people is by doing everything for His Glory – thinking of Him. Our “feelings” and desires should be directed in humble service to Him and accepting His Divine Providence. It is in appreciation of His creatures for their being His that we grow in love for them and, thereby, for Him. It is seeking that which they have to offer that will draw you closer to Him. It is ensuring that your love for them, your service to them, your desire for their friendship is because of His Love for them and your love for Him. It is in thanking Him for every person He brings into your life and trying to learn from them or share Him with them.

It is okay to be close to someone, to love them with all your heart, to want to be around them, to want to be yourself around them, to cherish your time with them. It is not even totally wrong to hope that they will feel the same. But, with every relationship, we need to recognize and accept with joy that He may have other plans for them and rejoice in Divine Providence.