One thing I have learned, there is nothing easy, consistent, yet more life-affirming than my spiritual journey. I started yesterday with a last minute substitute for 2 Hrs Adoration. It was a very Spirit filled time. I left that Parish and headed to another for Holy Mass where I was blessed to participate with a good and holy Priest, heard a moving homily, and even received Jesus in that special way. It was a great start to the day.
I was not very productive and started feeling guilty about that, so headed to the 3rd Parish (we are so blessed in Memphis) Adoration before a planned meeting regarding our June trip. I went to freshen up the flowers in the Chapel and ran into someone who told me something very disturbing, confusing, frustrating, and down right ticked me off. The only “good” things about it were that it explained why the Chapel stayed so unclean lately (to put it mildly) and that my respect was restored for someone (albeit it added to a growing list of frustrations with someone else).
I went back into the Chapel to pray, but was not doing so very well. I saw our hosts for the meeting arrive so I just said a quick prayer that the information I received would not distract me from participating in and enjoying the discussion. As others arrived, a discussion ensued about a decision that was made that several of us do not understand and of which we do not agree, but I was able to stay positive and enjoy our time. That was the first tiny success. Who knew it would become a bigger success.
I had received a text earlier that evening about a friend in trouble. The only thing I could do for her was cover her scheduled Adoration this morning. I tried to sleep after the meeting, but was too deeply disturbed about what I had heard and the other situation, as well as, the overall impact on how I viewed things and people. On the drive back to the Church, I prayed to our Mother and God that I would be able to give Him a worthy hour of praise, gratitude, and worship.
I started out well for a minute, but then my thoughts kept returning to the bad stuff. The Blessed Mother reminded me of the prayer that was laid on my heart a few years ago of which I had failed to pray recently. So I prayed: Lord, if it does not bother You, do not let it bother me. If it bothers You and there is something I can do or say, let me do or say it. If it bothers You and I can not do or say anything about it, let me offer You worthy reparation and compensation.
This situation is a bit more serious (imho) than anything I have prayed that prayer over before. It actually has ramifications regarding my growth, understanding, and I feel it is a total slap in the face to Jesus. That last part is why I was so disturbed. I could not shake the feeling that I SHOULD say something this time. I started playing in my head what I would say if I did. Then Jesus just said one word – TRUST. The Blessed Mother then gave me more to add to the Prayer.
Lord, I want to surrender this whole situation to you, but as always, I do not know how. So I am just going to say this and then try to let it go. IF I should say something, please arrange the appropriate time and place for me to do so and DO NOT LET ME BLOW IT! IF I should say something, please have the Holy Spirit give me the words at that time. Please help me to know and follow Your Will – either way. Give me Your Peace that I can be confident that I will.
I did not immediately feel peace, but was able to go back to my prayers – for a few minutes. But, then here we go again, the thoughts popped back up. So I just said – Jesus, let me trust in You! His response? Be Secure!
I am not sure I had ever heard those 2nwords before from Him. I responded I will try. The next thing I know, my hour was up. I had prayed for 45 minutes without thinking once about any of the disturbing factors. I had even prayed for those at the heart of the matter, but NOT about the situation or their part in it. I thanked God and then an almost giddy attitude came on me. I realized that for the first time ever, I was confident that I had successfully turned it over to God. Jesus then said: Well done. You are learning to Trust! There is even more that went on in the last 36 hours that are not even related to the above situations; even more about what I was thinking, why I felt the way I do/did; even more in the conversations between us. But, I hope what I have written might help those who get frustrated with themselves or others, especially in not knowing His Will. I pray that you realize that if He can finally get through to someone like me – the least trusting person in the world, He will not give up and you and He will be successful in bringing you closer to Him and His Will. Then you too, will agree that these successes are Heavenly in every sense of the word!
blessedadorer 
Leave a comment