I have learned in my spiritual journey that it is important that I recognize that I am slightly different depending on who I am around. As a child, after witnessing someone close to me become a totally different person depending on the audience (and not in a good way), I swore to myself I would do everything in my power to never be two-faced nor actually hypocritical. Some may perceive that I have been hypocritical at times, but I can honestly say it was either their perception because they were not in my shoes nor know the whole situation or that I evaluate my actions every night and try to identify and change any trait that may be hypocritical. I learned after a co-worker died that she thought I was prejudiced because most of the time I didn’t act differently towards someone based on their religion, race, or affluence. It is not that I am insensitive to those considerations, but rather, if I was to say something that could be offensive to anyone, then I did not need to be saying it at all no matter who was around. If I did say something insensitive, it was out of ignorance, not malice or prejudice.
As an adult, I realized that most, if not all, have at least 2-4 prominent personalities: a “work” personality and a “friends and family personality”, for sure, but also maybe a “stranger” (as in not knowing the person previously) personality, and a “mixed setting” personality (such as Church or a party). We are expected to act a certain way in work or public settings that we may not feel compelled to do around those close to us.
IMHO, truly two-faced people or “deceptors” are those who, even within the specific situation, i.e., work, treat people differently depending on who is around and/or to whom they are speaking. If it is their boss or someone they deem important, they act and speak one way. With others, the total opposite. I had a co-worker that I tried to talk to about it once. I told him, you have to know that there is something not right about your actions and words since as soon as the boss walks in, you become a totally different person. If you are doing what is right, it should not matter who is in the room.
Doing things that you probably know is not right because you stop doing them when the boss walks in is one thing. But, it is the people who, when the “influential” people are not around, become the devil incarnate – rude, disagreeable, and/or evil personified that hurt my very soul. You cannot say anything, because they are so good at hiding that personality when the influential people are around, that you are the one who looks bad when trying to make the other aware of a situation or that things may not be as they appear; even if it is for their protection .
It is the main artillery the devil uses on me. He has stepped up those attacks in the last several months. It was flaunted in my face at Mass this weekend to the point I had to constantly call upon the Blessed Mother to keep me focused. I witnessed it at a store twice in as many days. And then it happened just a little while ago when trying to get something resolved that affects something near and dear to my heart. (It took every effort of my Guardian Angel to keep me from just looking at her and saying “You are such a bitch. If ….. knew your true personality, I wonder if he would think so highly of you”.)
So why am I blogging about this? I have had difficulty staying focused in my prescribed prayers lately and I have not been able to find my own words of prayer to offer for a while now. It was as as if the Blessed Mother and the Holy Spirit had just stopped helping me. But, as I was driving home from the latest incident, this prayer was laid on my heart. As I was pulling into my driveway, He told me to share it as others struggle also. He said He would lead those who need to read it to do so. So here is the prayer:
Lord, I continue to struggle over those who present themselves as something they are not and especially ..(name)… and ..(name)… I do not fear for myself, but for those who are trusting them, relying on them, defending them, and promoting them in one way or the other, but that do not see the evil that I and others see. I have tried to trust that You will protect their victims. I have prayed earnestly that the hearts of the offenders be changed. I have never asked that they be punished or hurt in any way. I have never asked that relationships be hurt by revealing the truth, but rather that You truly make them the person that some believe they are and that they claim to be.
I continue to pray for that, Oh Lord, but right now, I am not serving You as I should. I am asking that you protect me from the devil’s distraction. You have told me I must be compassionate and care for others. I pray that this increases, but You know that I get so distressed when I hear of the pain someone has caused another or see the potential for others to be hurt. Please help me to understand what You desire of me in each situation. I ask that You give me peace despite that which I cannot comprehend or understand. I beg of You to instill in me the trust that I need in order to know Your Will, how to surrender the outcome to You, and how I should serve You and Yours both the perceived deceptor and their victims or potential victims.
Jesus, when I pray “I trust in You”, let me not be hypocritical, but rather please transform my ways and my thoughts so that I do truly trust You with everything – even the pain of others!
blessedadorer 
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