I am reminded today of a former boss who originally was a co-worker. When he was deciding whether or not he wanted to move into management, he asked me what I liked and what I disliked in a boss. I told him, I only have one thought on the topic – don’t ever lie to me.
If I ask you something that you do not want to answer, do not know the answer, or are not allowed to answer, just say “I am not at liberty to answer”. That response covers all 3 situations. Do not try to tell me what you think I want to hear because, trust me, you have no clue of what I want to hear (sometimes I am not sure myself). Do not tell me what you think will not hurt my feelings because I will eventually hear the truth and that will hurt a lot more. If you do not know the answer, don’t bluff. Eventually, I will learn the answer and then will lose respect for you. Do not ever give me an answer in order to try to manipulate me. Even if I do not see through it immediately, eventually I will. If I ask you a question that is a yes or no, answer yes or no. If I ask you why your answer was yes or no, do not add anything to try to make yourself look better or feel better about the situation. Simply answer, “for reasons I am not at liberty to answer”.
He got the job, but did not heed my advice. A few years later, he finally learned his lesson and called me in to talk about it. He apologized and said that he should have listened.
I am thinking of this because a few people in my life are doing as he did at first. Most of the time, there is no malice involved. I almost always wind up learning or hearing the truth without even trying. Most of the time, it is from someone who the first person didn’t know talked to me. That is what my former boss was the most surprised about. He said people tell me things as if I was a bartender. He said he would catch himself confiding in me about things that he would not even tell his wife.
But as I am thinking on this, the difference is, in the past I would be very upset when I found out I was lied to or someone was attempting to manipulate me. I would blame myself and try to figure out why the person could not just tell me the truth. Why did they find it necessary to lie to me? What was there about me that they could not trust me with the truth?
On my spiritual journey, I have become a student of human nature. In some ways, I always was but now I study with a positive attitude and without personalizing it (okay, I try to not personalize it). I study them so that I can learn from them especially about perceptions. It is the understanding of human nature and individuals themselves that is allowing me to love people as they are. It reminds me to always pray for them and myself. If someone has lied to me, I do not try to figure out why. I turn it over to God and ask Him to deal with it and to change our hearts. If I have done something whether from their perception or reality that causes them to feel they have to lie, I can only ask God to either change me or change their perceptions. If it is just something they do because of their own personality, then I ask God to provide them the confidence to trust in the truth and the Truth.
blessedadorer 
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