How Can My Prayers Be Worthy and Not Selfish?

As I was praying this morning, I broke down in tears, begging the Lord to fix me.  I just kept saying “I have to be good, I have to know Your Will, I have to carry out that Will, I have to be able to stand firm when I have done something that I believe is Your Will and not waiver-not back down, I have to trust that You will not let me fail,  I have to be totally surrendered to You.  I want to offer You worthy prayers and sacrifices, but I cannot do this if ….”.

Normally, this line if finished with: if I am so broken,  or not pleasing You, or something similar, but most of the time it is finished with: if I am so selfish and self-centered.  That is where my words were going this morning, but,  I suddenly realized that, once again, I had started off praying for others and wound up turning it to ME.  I suddenly realized that my prayers and sacrifice would never be worthy if, every time I pray or offer something up, I wind up making it about me and my weaknesses and sins.

So very often my prayers are “what can I offer You for (insert person or petition here)”.  I then list my own thoughts or “suggestions”, but usually follow up with the above mentioned lamentations.

I have been called a prayer warrior and a prayer angel.  I have never felt worthy of either title.  Today I woke up as to the reason why. If I truly want to offer worthy prayers and sacrifices, If I am honestly wanting to not be selfish and not be self-centered, then I need to trust.  I need to trust that, in His Mercy, He will accept my broken prayers and offerings.  My lack of trust in Him and that truth will always lead me back to my selfishness and self-centeredness.  It will always distract me from staying focused on praying for others and lead me right back to praying for myself.

I do need to pray for myself, absolutely.  I even need to offer sacrifice and fasting for myself.  But, when my prayers, offerings, and sacrifices are for someone else – they need to be just that – for someone else, not me.   I need to trust that anything lacking in me or my prayers and offering, if made through the Immaculate Heart of our Mother, she will perfect them. I need to stop being focused on my brokenness which leads me right back into making everything about me.   I need to trust, totally and unconditionally, that His Mercy and Sacrifice will make my prayers and offerings worthy.