I felt compelled to write yet another blog (He has been working overtime on me), to share the 4 incidents that served to encourage me and assure me that I was making the right decisions; that He is in control; that He will help me to know what to do, when to do it, and how to do it; that I have to let go of the fear – especially the fear of making a mistake or being misunderstood.
This is one of those posts, I am always scared to write. Although no one in my IRL circle of family, friends, and Church have ever said they read this blog (the few I have asked have said flat out no they do not), I always worry, if they would happen to – will they understand or will it cause hurt feelings. I can only pray for the best outcome or that the Holy Spirit will keep them from reading it, if that is the case. But, since my goal is to document my journey, God’s work in, through, and on me, and the lessons I have learned, I think this is a very good example of that.
In less than 1 week, 3 people have said to me they are thinking of changing Parishes or giving up on Catholics all together especially in Memphis. They said this not because they were necessarily unhappy with the leadership (not entirely anyway) or even the direction we were heading. The reason – people! The insincerity, the lies, the double standards, the blindness to see the truth about others and themselves, the egos, the manipulations, the lack of humility, the seeming awarding of bad behavior as a result of that blindness, and in one case, the hatred they saw in another.
Shortly before the first person said it to me because of the 2 incidents involving me last week, I considered the same thing one night (not Catholics as a whole, but yep, maybe start spreading myself back to other parishes.) I especially thought I might need to spend less time there and maybe start going to daily Mass and doing more adorations elsewhere (this is key to the last incident)
The first person who said this absolutely shocked me because of their tenure, their spirituality, their personality. I did not respond very well, but did manage to make a couple good points. She left the conversation asking that I pray for her as she was so distraught.. of course, I did, all night that night. When I saw her the next day, she was a little less upset. I told her that praying for her, helped me a little also. This surprised her as so many people think that I do not see any issues and/or think some are “perfect”. I try not to talk about any doubts or concerns (especially by name) so as not to negatively influence others regarding good people who may just do something I do not like.
The second person, it did not really surprise me. She is going through a lot and has even more of a tendency than I (which I thought was impossible) to internalize and personalize EVERYTHING. One simple comment early in the day caused her to send me a text at midnight saying she was probably going elsewhere. I reminded her of all the good things about the parish and what all the parish had done for her. I encouraged her to pray on it. The last I checked with her after many prayers for her, she was feeling better about everything. The points I made to her were a good reminder for me too. I started regretting even thinking about going elsewhere.
The 3rd person saying this, like the first, was a shocker. When she made the statement, I literally yelled out – PERSON (her name) NO. First, there are people like that everywhere in all religions, but that there are less of them at this parish than most. Plus, we have got to stick together. We cannot let the devil win. We have to stay and pray. We have to trust that the Holy Spirit is truly in charge. We have to trust that He will open the eyes of others AND change the heart of the wrong. Without our being here, trying to be the example that we want to be, to be the antithesis of that which and who has hurt us so deeply, to offer our Lord the reverence and sincerity He deserves, it will make His job so much harder and the devil will win too many more battles. We must stay and fight even if it is only with our presence, example, and prayers. No we cannot address the problem ourselves as our words will mean nothing and might cause us even more harm. I reminded her of her own words, “people have to learn on their own”. But that does not mean we should desert the good until they do. I reminded her too of the good in the parish and what and who we would be depriving ourselves if we left. I for one can not afford to lose that “good”. At that point, I just smiled. I realized God had used these 3 people to correct my own thinking.
Later on, she said I seem to notice how God is working on me and in me (this after I told her how the Holy Spirit had used her this morning to clarify something on a total different subject). I told her I know I still miss a lot. Let’s just say I have reason to believe that God agrees with that since the 3 incidents above were apparently not enough to make sure I understood I need to stay where I am and all the things I mentioned at the start of this blog.
Which leads me to the 4th incident that came with an exclamation point.
Last week when I had some of the same thoughts, my instinct was to stop being around so much. The best solution to me was increasing my adoration at Incarnation. I got home from this 3rd conversation intending on only being here for a few minutes. Several things distracted me, including my replaying of all that occurred in the last 9 hrs. I thought, I am resolved based on what I have documented above and a few other things He taught me this morning. I told Him I would trust Him. That I would do my best to listen to Him. That I would do what I think He is telling me to do and say and that if I messed up, He would fix it – especially protecting others from being hurt, offended, or annoyed (my biggest fears).
I was getting ready to head back to the Church when I got an e-mail. The title was one I get often so almost didn’t read… but, of course, I did. It was from Incarnation. It was not what I thought (requests for coverage), but rather the opposite. It was Mia telling me that my hour this coming week was covered, and, that more than likely, the gentleman would take it on permanently.
I couldn’t help but laugh. God is so Good. His response to my decision was immediate… not only would I not be increasing my hours at Incarnation, I may be surrendering the only hour I had scheduled left there. It was months ago that I requested they try to cover it with someone else. Yet another reminder that God’s timing is perfect and, if you get out of His Way, He will get through to you – even if it takes 4 incidents to do so :).
blessedadorer 
Leave a comment