I had the privilege of hearing 2 excellent homilies this weekend from 2 of the most dedicated and devout Priests I have ever met. Each focused on a different aspect of the Readings. I will write about my contemplation of the homily on Love in a separate post, but for this one, I wanted to share regarding the homily on the Holy Spirit.
One statement from our beloved Priest surprised me. I have been contemplating it ever since I heard him say it. I had read the homily on-line before Mass, as I always try to do, but since the Holy Spirit rules at our Parish, often there are slight changes. Once Father R. (before they started publishing them) when he had finished his homily announced that was not at all what he had prepared but that the Holy Spirit led him down a different path as he started speaking (and yes, that was a marvelous homily). But I digress.
As I said, Father made a statement that surprised me and that was not in the written homily. “I used to be a people pleaser, but not any longer”. Now, there was much more to it than that. His point was that his sole purpose is to please God and not people and he was able to do so after being baptized in the Holy Spirit. That he now only lives for and serves our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I understood what he was saying, but those words continued to stick with me. I have witnessed his compassion for others, his tireless hours of service, his unceasing prayers for others, his kindness, his love for souls, and his dedication to saving those souls. So how can he say he is not a people pleaser?
I prayed on it. I thought on it. I prayed some more on it. I think one of the reasons this hit me so profoundly is because I have been accused of being a “people pleaser”, a “doormat”, and a “kiss up” throughout my life. For years, I let this criticism get to me and worse yet, I let it change me. Some of the criticism came from people that loved me. They thought I was letting people take advantage of me and that I needed to stand up for myself. So I became this person I did not know and eventually started to actually hate. As a result, my self-criticism became even more profound.
As I began my journey back to my Faith, that part of the old me is one of the things to which I tried to get back. I think I have mentioned before that the precious Priest that taught us the “Our Father” instilled in us the ramifications of not forgiving others. I recognized that, although I claimed to still live by this, I was not truly doing so as I would not “forget” what someone had done, I did not pray for that person, and my attitude would change toward them. To me, that was not forgiving them. I prayed and prayed and prayed that He would help me to understand how to forgive and yet not be a doormat.
The answer I received was that if I was to be a doormat to share Christ’s Love and Forgiveness… then so be it. If I was going to be called a “kiss up” because I wanted to serve others and theirs needs no matter their “status” (after all, bosses need love too)… then so be it. If serving God through serving others is to be called a “people pleaser”… then so be it. Over the last few years, I have tried to step that up. I was going to put others first no matter what the cost. I was going to try to be the best “lover” I could be.
But, when this good and holy Priest said he was no longer a people pleaser, my heart stopped. Was I still misunderstanding the Holy Spirit? Had I actually been doing a disservice to God by my actions and words? Had I yet again not trusted correctly and lived by my own thoughts and will instead of His?
The answer I received at Holy Mass today was an unequivocal NO. I had not misunderstood. I am doing what He wants me to do, at least at this point; that He has called me by my name (I cannot explain how, but He literally called me by name today :)), to serve others in the capacity that I am doing so…accepting the gifts He has bestowed.
I thought I was resolved but then the nagging thought kept coming back… But Father is so filled with the Holy Spirit and such a good and holy Priest, how cannot I not be concerned that I am pushing my own will again when he said it was the Holy Spirit that changed him from being a people pleaser. On the way home, our Loving God reminded me that according to our station in life, a people pleaser has different meanings and that for a Priest, it is a slippery slope by its world definition. A Priest (especially a Pastor) has to be confident that the decisions he makes are for the Glory of God and good of the Parish. He is to abide by and have confidence in what the Holy Spirit has told him to do and not be concerned with other’s opinions, perceptions, criticism. in order to please the individual, be liked, keep the peace or even retain them in the Parish. His first priorities are serving God, serving the Church through administration of the Sacraments and tending to true needs, and leading souls to Christ. I, as a laity, should do whatever is necessary to support our Priests and our Church, put others needs before mine, give everything I have within me to please God by serving (not necessarily trying to please) others and PRAY for all.
So I will continue to do my best to surrender to the Holy Spirit so that He might truly guide my words and actions, as well as, offer unconditional love (to the best of my ability) even when others do not believe in my sincerity, misunderstand my motives, completely misconstrue my intention, or even if they think I am just weird (LOL).
blessedadorer 
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