My Joy

I had lunch today with some special friends.  I had not seen one of those friends for several weeks.  2 minutes into our first conversation, she stops and just says – what is going on?  You just seem so full of joy.  I responded that that is because I am and the fact that it was visibly noticeable only served to increase that joy.  I exclaimed it was amazing – even through my day of tears, I cannot deny the joy that stayed in my heart.

On the drive home from my errands, I thought about just how joyful I truly am and how I am NOT afraid of losing it.   In the past, any time I thought I was happy (I cannot remember ever actually feeling joyful before), the happiness was immediately dimmed by the fear of “recognizing” I was happy.  I remember once saying to my Mother that I was afraid to believe something that I was anticipating would happen because any time I counted on happiness, something happened.  I would rather not think about it or hope for it so I would not be disappointed.  But not this time.

I thought about what “joy” means and why I was so filled with it now.   Then, it came to me.   I am full of joy because I chose joy.   Not the meme type of choosing joy or choosing to be happy.  I have never agreed with that.

I have chosen to act in humility over pride when criticized, marginalized, or misunderstood.

I have chosen to recognize that I could never be in the agony of mind or body that Jesus experienced in the Garden, Scourging, Crown of Thorns, the Via Dolorosa, or the ultimation of the Cross.

I have chosen to be grateful that He allows me the trials in my life that I might learn, grow, and be more faithful.

I have chosen to trust my entire self to His Mother that I might be more perfectly consecrated to Him

So, how did I get here?   I will tell you how – prayer and within that prayer when bringing my concerns to Him I would think without even realizing the significance, choose Jesus Over You.  J O Y